Self Care: Rehabbing Through Therapy and Faith
I love how I’m encountering more Black women and men who are confident in their therapy walk and have no qualms about admitting their therapist is cemented in their contact list. However, in 2021, I wouldn’t be surprised if there are still those who are hesitant about making that move, even as they attempt to navigate the aftershocks of a global pandemic.
Recent data from the Census Bureau reveal, during the initial phase of the pandemic, a third of Americans were showing signs of anxiety and clinical depression. As reported by the Washington Post, rates of anxiety and depression were uneven across the U.S. with young adults, women and those in poverty, impacted the most.
Separate from the pandemic, I came across the teaser feature article posted by Essence Magazine on singer Jazmine Sullivan as she shared how she has found her “voice” outside of her music through therapy. She even touches on how therapy is helping her find a sisterhood of her peers in the industry to connect with as she is very private person.
A point Sullivan makes in her Essence interview with Issa Rae (in the current July/August issue) is that finding a therapist is a process.
Sullivan: “I went to therapy one time, years ago, and I hated the experience, and I feel like it stopped me from going for a long time. And then I found this new lady, and it’s a totally different experience…so you have to find the right person for you, that you actually want to open up to. But once you do that, a weight lifts off of you — just from speaking, just from telling your story.”
I paused for a moment and reflected on my own therapy journey. I first sought a therapist in 2005 when it was still very taboo. I was in need of help as I felt myself slipping into depression. At that time I was overwhelmed and burnt out with my undergraduate studies and my job in the federal government, not to mention any PTSD from my journalism internship from 2001 as 90 percent of everything I wrote about or reported on pertained to the immediate aftermath September 11 in DC. There was also my struggle for true independence while living at home in my early 20s.
I researched for a couple of months before I finally found a therapist that would fit; a fairly young Black psychologist who had several years of experience. Also, the fact that she was sought after and highly praised by her peers was a plus. I would also note, it was in my research that I firmly understood the difference between a psychologist (operates more as a counselor and focuses more on the cognitive) and a psychiatrist (an actual medical doctor who prescribes drugs).
I knew from the start I wanted a Black female psychologist. My first therapist was phenomenal. It was the first time I could release without being judged or worry about being overbearing with my feelings. She worked with me for a year as I began to put things in order, and made simple adjustments in my life, including cutting out caffeine by a certain time. I made such good progress, she discharged me, but I kept her contact near in case I needed a refresher.
Fast forward to 2016, nearly two years after my father’s passing. My world was reeling out of control. I knew grief was an issue and it was affecting my life. This was also around the beginning of the serious decline of my 11 year relationship. My first therapist was booked and she was kind enough to refer me to one of her colleagues. I spent a year with that therapist but things seemed to only get worse. Maybe it was me. Maybe it was her. Either way, we mutually parted ways via email; meaning I would half keep my appointments and eventually she became too booked to fit me in.
By 2019 I was back to researching another therapist. My breakup was happening in the worse way. Like my first, I found a therapist that fits; another Black woman psychologist. She listens and offers constructive guidance, but what I truly appreciate are the moments when she is straight with no chaser. Even with our latest session she emphasized a point and it’s one that is glaring especially as my ex is getting married rather soon; the notion of closure and the fact I will never receive it.
Therapy, coupled with seeing how God truly works, has me in awe about this period of my life. I never shied away from my faith, but I also never dove deep into it until recent years. While hardcore Christians, mainly in the Black community, still shun therapy, it was my pastor in 2005 who suggested it when I went to see him for counsel. Picture that! To be honest, that threw me for a loop because like so many others, I equated therapy for those who had psychotic episodes. At that time I felt normal and able to function, but only at minimum as I felt a different kind of tired. However, my take away from my experiences with my first therapist and my current therapist, the right therapy and faith intertwined is a powerful movement.
When you think about it, pastors or members of the clergy need therapy and a chance to re-group as well. Think about the number of eulogies they have to give — especially if they are eulogizing many young people — on top of sermons and the regular counsel they provide. Months before the pandemic hit the East Coast, a local DC-area pastor made news as he boldly announced to his congregation that he was taking a sabbatical. Reverend Howard-John Wesley of the historic Alfred Street Baptist Church in Alexandria, Virginia, admitted he felt distant from God. The Washington Post noted, “A fourth-generation Baptist preacher, Wesley said he’s not burned out and that’s he’s still excited about the job, but that he’s tired and needs “an intermission.”
Never had the message of the importance of self-care rang so loud and true. Rev. Wesley’s message had the audacity to strike down old ideologies that ripple across generations of Black households and even pulpits; you keep going no matter how exhausted or traumatized. As a result, we end up coping in some of the most unhealthy ways that only trigger and exacerbate health issues. More often than not, this leads to tragedy. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, in 2019, suicide was the second leading cause of death for African Americans, ages 15 to 24.
There is an episode of Living Single where Khadijah (Queen Latifah), who displays symptoms of anxiety, sees a therapist (Jasmine Guy). A bit embarrassed, Khadijah isn’t fully convinced that therapy is meant for her because yanno… Black people don’t go to therapy. Therapy is only for the “crazy.” There is a conversation the therapist has with Khadijah where she asks her how does she normally cope. Khadijah rambles about going to church, getting a little Jesus and she is good to go. The therapist calmly tells Khadijah, “That is a popular choice but there must be a reason God created therapist.”
There’s nothing wrong with having talks with Jesus when things go awry. However, for an extra boost in clarity for those that need to have that concrete understanding of “why” then why not try therapy? A good starting point is the site Therapy for Black Girls. What started as a podcast with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford grew into an information hub for Black women and girls seeking a therapist. Psychology Today magazine is also a good resource as the print version and digital site features a directory of therapists. While I haven’t looked into it, there are all-virtual platforms to explore such as Talkspace, in which you complete a brief assessment before picking your therapist.
If you are worried about insurance, double check your plan to see if you are covered for mental health services. Therapists’ profiles will inform you if and what insurances they accept. Their profile will also inform you if they adjust payments on a sliding scale.
Seeing a therapist isn’t going against God. In fact they both can compliment each other. Remember two years ago when I attended a women’s conference hosted by a Baptist church outside of DC and it included my First Lady and a few others? To this day, I still go back to that moment, because there was so many jewels I learned from that conference as I was in the midst of heartbreak and a traumatizing experience. I even shared some of those lessons with my therapist, who will relate and may even add an additional point to ensure I stand firm in it.
Coupled with therapy, other helpful coping tools includes something as simplistic as a nap! I’m thankful for my sisters of NCBWDC who introduced me to The Nap Ministry. What can also be helpful is finding your tribe…a healthy tribe. While a couple of my closest friends are scattered about the states and overseas, I do have a tribe or a sisterhood of friends that entered my life at the perfect time. We’re all in forward movement and genuinely want nothing but the best for each other. I love how each of us motivate each other, especially when we are feeling low and out of sorts. We embrace each other as true sisters, no judgement. An added bonus, each of us are truly connected through our faith and honey when the prayer warriors in my life get going.. they GO!
I’ve been on my healing journey for two years now. Even with the pandemic, my therapist didn’t miss a beat as she switched to virtual sessions. Despite the days when I feel a setback has occurred, because again — healing isn’t easy, I’m proud of myself for having the audacity to keep going in a healthy way. I feel myself growing, regaining my footing and becoming another (and perhaps better) version of myself. This is all with the help of my sisterhood, my faith walk and therapy.
