Thriving

In Bloom

“Everyone I associate with is thriving…in abundance. Limitless.”
— Natasha Rothwell as Kelli on Insecure

My heart has been full the last few weeks. I made it to the other side. This thought hit me recently. I’m on the other side of the pain and trauma I felt when I went through my breakup two years ago. Don’t get it twisted, I’m still healing and working on myself every day. However, it feels good to know the toxicity that was in my life, which I fought hard to keep because it felt familiar and comfortable, is gone.

I’ve been on a whirlwind this year. I endured a plot twist that came my way near the top of this year. Just when I thought I had reached another level in my career, I was sidelined. I needed the rest anyway. I was burnt out from the pandemic and didn’t realize it in that moment. I took a deep breath and began to put some things into action.

I finally registered my LLC and began mapping out plans I had put on hold for a few years for my business. I rested. I went camping. I enjoyed time with my girlfriends. I prayed and when things felt completely out of my hands, I cried out and leaned into my faith more. The funny thing is, despite those moments of slight anxiety, when I wanted to go into full on panic mode, I couldn’t. My body rejected it. Then I received assurance from a friend.

“Something is coming. It’s coming soon. God is going to bless you and the doors are going to buss wide open.”

She didn’t lie. After eight months, I scored a new job, keeping me in my desired six-figure salary range. Additionally, I landed a client for my own business and it’s keeping me in the loop of my community. The beauty is, my professional work is aligning as close to a work-life balance, allows me to be creative and all clients have a mission specific agenda; to empower and make a positive impact. Another caveat, I am not the only one feeling the overflow of blessings. There are others in my life who are either in route to their other side or have reached another level in their life as well.

Friendships have always been important to me, especially when it comes to friends who are more like family. I mused about this in my very first post on this platform when I was still in my 30s. Now, in my 40s, I am even more appreciative and thankful for the core people in my life, particularly a small group of women as we morphed into a sisterhood thanks to one of my childhood friends who brought us together.

We all came to know one another in our late 30s/early 40s. We inspire and empower and it’s not on the surface. We pray for each other, we’re constantly sharing things that not only make us laugh and talk our shit, but make us ponder about things on a deeper level. We’re heavy on the spiritual and personal growth and self-love, but also quick to talk our smack.

We probably sound like material for a new show about girlfriends. Maybe we are. Come to think of it…other than the BET series First Wives Club and even the new show Queens with Eve and Brandy…. is there a situational dramedy about Black women in their 40s? Not 30 or 20-something year olds like Living Single or Girlfriends…though I loved these shows in my 20s and even still in their rerun syndication.

Anyways… I believe there is some truth to the sentiment that when you surround yourself with folks who are positive, ambitious and thriving, it catches on like wild fire. At the time we came together, we were all going through something in some area of our life. Breakups, career changes, a spiritual shift, you name it, we experienced at least one of these. This also extended to a couple more of my sister-friends outside of this particular group. However, all it took was for one or maybe two of us to start executing our plan to embrace the change or shift in our life. From there, as we sowed, we harvested and cheered each other on as we walk into our purpose. New jobs, new houses, new relationships, new outlook on life. We’re thriving.

A few lessons I’ve learned in my healing process:

1. God removed from my life, what I couldn’t on my own, even when I prayed about it and knew the answer (go fig!). I was holding onto dead weight or a situation that wouldn’t flourish.
2. God protected my value/worth from people and situations that wouldn’t cherish or appreciate me as a whole.
3. You do outgrow people and situations. It’s life. It just hurts more when you are married to an idea of a person or situation and when things get stagnant or rocky, it’s not communicated effectively.
4. Remember the pruning process I mentioned from a women’s conference I attended two years ago? You absolutely must trust the pruning process.
5. Forgiveness is a process too. During the initial pain, I wanted to forgive those who were the source of my pain, not because I recognized it to be the right thing, but I realized the disrespect I experienced had nothing to do with me. It was about their own projections and insecurities. Yet, I wasn’t ready to forgive, even though I kept saying it. I was full of anger and rage, but the more I did my work, especially through therapy, I knew the forgiveness was truly for me and part of the closure I was seeking.
6. The need for closure is a beast and may set you back or keep you down. You may never receive the closure you seek from the source of your pain. However, for me, the more I leaned into my faith, God provided the closure by showing me there was no further growth in a situation that left me feeling broken.

There is an ebb and flow to shifting and growing into who you are meant to be. In late spring I was at dinner with an old childhood friend. She paid me a compliment about “glowing up.” She mentioned she had been watching me for years and felt inspired. I was taken aback. She didn’t know how low I had felt and how dark it had gotten for me due to my breakup. She didn’t know the trauma I experienced from that. I wasn’t sure how to take her compliment, and I felt compelled to let her know, it wasn’t all sunshine and roses. Even in that moment, at dinner, I still felt I was very much in the thick of my healing process, but I appreciated the fact that she did notice a “glow” and in her eyes I was already thriving.

So I’m “on the other side,” now what?

For the most part I am at peace. I’m coasting along as more is being revealed and opportunities are still being sent my way. However, I’m hitting another learning curve when it comes to navigating healthy relationships. Thankfully, because I’m more in tune or aware, I know what healthy feels and looks like, but it’s also bringing forth traits in me I wasn’t aware of because I demonstrated them in toxic situations; mainly the need of not wanting to be seen as a damsel in distressed or as a taker, but as someone that can pull their own weight and then some in a relationship. I’m working through this and having the ability to be softer; allowing the right person to care for me in a way that I’ve desired and beyond.

So yeah, I’m still a work in progress but this side sure feels good.